Hard because of the tears.
Because my favorite male budgie died too young without any clarification. The last thing I expected from him, he’s my heart, my love, soul anything.

This shouldn’t have happened.
Doesn’t make sense.

It stands symbol for all that’s not right and unfair in the world.

He was the most happy one, ALWAYS!
So small creature can leave such a big impact.

It’s why I dedicate my life to animals.
The rest of my life not only to do as good as I can, also to help others and to provide others as Good of a life as I can do.

Our responsibility.

Sad because I did so much, many things failed, finances still a mess.

I don’t smoke, drink, do drugs, hurt others, don’t watch porn, have right intentions.
Meditate, read, write, sport, exercise, go outside, listen podcasts, post, produce, breathing exercises, positive affirmations and incantations every day.

Even there are many things to be grateful for, like my cats, the other living budgie, house, car, peaceful moment, this phone where I write this on, groceries today, rap rehearsal, going door by door for solar panel leads.

Still when someone dies nothing matters.
All you think about is like, why?
How could this happen, what did I wrong, or how could this be prevented and stuff.

So much injustice in the world, what you don’t and can’t understand.

So much horse crap.

Feel completely destroyed by such a small accident.
Take it personal.
Because I can’t turn back time.
That’s so hopeless.

So I am just in grief, and this helps to write it down.
It’s symbol for anything in the world.

Even when I always try to be positive.

This is a snapshot.
It happened today.

It always hits me.
Because could it be prevented?


Tears me down.
A creature full of love, life, happiness, who doesn’t hurt anybody hadn’t have to die yet.

Peep world.

Get it off your chest.
Don’t bottle it up.

I feel like a failure sometimes despite my efforts.

Right now I don’t check social media, news, comments, likes, views.
Only by accident.

I live my life to the best of my ability and create what God wants me to create.
What I have to offer, to give to the world as my gift.

Strange people who really treat you like crap what feels so dead wrong.
Gives you goosebumps.
Why? Because you ain’t like that.
You feel when something is off or not.
Crazy disgusting people.
Make me throw up.

I will never ever be like that.

Karma is a peep.

What are the lessons there?

I see so many people losing there minds even in successful positions.
God let this never happen to me.
Let me stay straight up.

I love you all.

No matter what happens, I wipe off the dust, pick myself up, stand up, and always execute the dream in my heart.

No matter where I’m at.

I live that.
All I can do.
Use whatever happens to my advantage, to learn from, to motivate me even more.

I’m so pure and nobody who sees that.
And even when they do, what does it help?
You still only can lift yourself up by you every day again.

Let there be hope.
Let there be light.
Let there be peace.
Let there be love.
Let there be unity.
Preventing tragedies.

In Jesus name

Alain Stout
Een ondernemer met voeten in de aarde omtrent duurzaamheid en een betere planeet. Eerst mezelf veranderd ten goede wat een constant proces is en tegelijkertijd groeit alles en iedereen om me heen mee de goede kant op. Alleen maar positieve energie.

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